Why Does International Dating Work for So Many Men?

A lot of guys who show up at A Foreign Affair are do not think international dating will really work in their case, but the truth is that a normal, moderately successful, good guy from the United States, Europe, Canada, Australia, or a similar first world country has an excellent chance in international dating.

No, we are not guaranteeing you success. We are a romance site, but in international dating a good Western man has a lot of things working in his favor before he ever clears customs in Minsk, Manila, or Medellín.

A Matter of Mutual Interests

The major reason that international dating works is that it fills a need for both Western men and international women. This does not mean that these relationships are simply transactional. They are not - these relationships are romantic matches - and the academic research has shown this repeatedly.

The fact that the men and the women are both searching for something they have not been able to find at home means that from the beginning they are expecting to bend, give, grow, and learn. And one of the main things our experienced staff does is help them understand how to grow and develop in a manner that will help them find the love they desire.

Both sides are a little exotic, a bit exciting. It makes dating fun and interesting for both Western men and foreign women. Check out the video below about our tours and you can see that excitement bubbling just below the surface.

Dating Is a Nightmare For Modern Men

Dating in the West is a nightmare for men, especially for intelligent, compassionate men. A lot of Western women don't understand this, because no one set out to make it so hard for good guys to find a mate.

Some of the problems are huge, long term changes in the structure of society. For instance, today we live in a highly mobile society where, according to the United States Census Bureau, the average American will move 11.7 times over the course of their lifetime.

That breaks down the traditional social networks. Few people join clubs anymore or works at the same job for decades. Most people don't know their neighbors and church attendance is plummeting, and the growth of mobile phones and the internet means we don't need to meet anyone to be entertained.

These societal changes are difficult, but, worse, for the first time in history men are often punished sometimes at great personal and professional cost if they make a dating mistake.

Since 2015, Western women have flocked to the #MeToo in an effort punish overly aggressive men. That is understandable. Powerful men - billionaires, professional athletes, and others willing to push women to give in to their demands - even in countries where women are completely equal in the eyes of the law and society.

The problem is it has left average me - especially the most intelligent, compassionate men - scared and confused. They know they can't date anyone at work, which for decades was the best place to meet a woman for a serious relationship. Even flirting at work is a great way to have one of those meetings with HR that are both embarrassing and potentially economically devastating.

This is not just hyperbole from some guys on Reddit. According to a Pew Research Center report, 69% of men say that the #MeToo movement has made dating harder for men. Unsurprisingly, it is especially confusing for men older than fifty. The report notes that, "...75% of those 50 and older say it is now harder for men to know how to behave, compared with 63% of men younger than 50."

From our own, admittedly non-scientific observations, it appears that the changes in society and the #MeToo movement have convinced many compassionate, intelligent men that the effort and risks of failure are just too high to even consider dating in the United States, Canada, or the European Union.

For these guys, international dating is like a lifeline tossed to a floundering sailor gone overboard in a storm. Often, they cannot believe their good fortune.

Foreign Women: Romantic Freedom Fighters

Yes, as everyone who attacks international dating knows most of the women will do better financially if they marry a foreign man. But finances are far from the only reason, and, in fact, according to the testimony of the women themselves often not the primary issue. Most of them are sick of the patriarchal local culture they have grown up in.

According to Dr. Julia Meszaros, who interviewed scores of women with dating profiles on A Foreign Affair while researching her dissertation the main reason that women sign up for international dating tours is that, "...women in Ukraine, Colombia, and the Philippines have become disgusted with their local men's infidelities, instabilities, and immaturity."" (p.163)

Dr. Meszaros' dissertation is the best single source anywhere for the reasons why women sign up with international dating agencies, and you can download the entire document here if your are interested. It is fascinating reading for anyone international dating, because it focuses on the nitty gritty, daily grind for women around the world that most Western critics of international dating never imagined.

In fact, many of the issues that women face overseas is shocking to Western ideals of fairness and equality. For instance, even the most conservative Western men are usually shocked by the Asian notion that a woman is an old maid at perhaps twenty-two or twenty-three years old, and cannot find a husband no matter how beautiful, intelligent, and talented she may be.

In China women are not officially considered Sheng Nu or the "Forgotten Women" until they are twenty-seven, but in popular culture the number is often far lower. This BBC article gives a good explanation of the situation in China for talented, professional women who are not married by their mid-twenties.

That is bad, but the situation in Eastern Europe is perhaps worse. In 2017 Russia basically decriminalized any domestic abuse that did not lead to hospitalization. So, a man in Russia can slap a his wife or girlfriend at will. It is hard to imagine, but read this article from CBS News if you want to understand more.

So, is it really surprising that so many stunningly beautiful women sign up with AFA and actually want to meet guys a LOT like you?

A Foreign Affair Makes It Easy

What AFA does is make it easy for these to groups of lonely people to meet in a safe, convenient manner, because the logistical and cultural barriers are significant. AFA smooths out those rough spots, so both men and women can focus on finding the right person. But don't just believe me. Take a look at our pages and pages of positive reviews.

We can give you a real chance of finding the woman of your dreams and building an incredible relationship.

Do we guarantee that? No, romance is a challenge for everyone no matter how smart, beautiful, and talented. But we can give you a better chance than you have in your local dating environment, and most of our customers end up having a good time - even the ones who don't find that perfect girl.

Best Wishes!

"Why do such incredibly beautiful women want to date a regular guy like me?"

Unfortunately, most guys are programmed by the main stream media to believe that economics is the only factor involved in a foreign women's decision to look over seas for a mate.

Stories about Evil Russian Green Card Brides make great headlines!

Yes, economics is one factor, and we will get into that a bit later, but first let's look at some other factors that you may not be aware of!.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Check out some of these International Dating Profiles:

Coming from the West we just assume that girls like these would have dozens of suitable men from their own countries hounding them for dates.

But this is not always the case.

The differences in the way "Desirability" is viewed in the West and the East has opened up a whole new world of opportunity for the Western male.

When you tell your petite, dark skinned Filipina girlfriend that she is beautiful, she might strongly disagree.

And the fact is, in her eyes she is not beautiful.

Because in Philippines culture WHITE skin is the beauty ideal. Try to find a bar of soap in The Philippines that doesn't contain "Whitening Agents"

You can't! Believe me I've tried.

That a beautiful Chinese woman might be considered an old maid at twenty-seven is shocking to most American or European men in their forties or fifties.

It's the same in Thailand and China. The Chinese conception of beauty is towards paler skin. If a women has what we consider nicely tanned skin then she may be considered quite ugly in China and thus not able to secure a boyfriend or husband.

Of course - it's not just the color of her skin that keeps many Chinese women from finding love in their own country. There are also other discriminating factors at work as well.

If a women is over thirty or not a virgin she may not be considered suitable for marriage. If the women is divorced or if she has a child, or if she is from a poor rural family she may not be considered a suitable partner.

There are all sorts of cultural issues non-natives barely know exist.

Sheng Nu

Nothing embodies the cultural issues women face than the phenomena of Sheng Nu.

This is a term loosely translated as "Forgotten Women" which is applied to Chinese women over the age of about 23 who are considered "Too Old" to get a Chinese boyfriend or husband.

That a beautiful Chinese woman might be considered an old maid at twenty-four is shocking to most American or European men in their forties or fifties.

Worse, in the eyes of many Chinese women is that when they catch a man - he ain't much of a catch. China Daily, one of the largest newspapers in China, discussed why so many Chinese women like Western men and it was a pretty amazing description.

Generally speaking, western men have some advantages in Chinese women's eyes… They supposedly shower and change their underwear every day. They are supposedly considerate to women, romantic, and good in bed. Western men are thought to be well-educated, easy-going, humorous, polite, confident and independent. They are thought to attach great importance to their own rights while respecting other people's privacy and choices, they value quality of life and they have many hobbies.

Why Do Chinese Women Date Western Men?

You probably should click on the link and read the whole article. It is amazing Chinese women ever marry a Chinese man.

Women across Southeast Asia have similar challenges, both with cultural traditions and with men who simply do not treat them as well as the Western men they see portrayed on television, in movies, and on the internet.

It's not just China where beautiful, intelligent women have trouble finding a partner. The same types of social dynamics are at work in many other places in the world. These types of cultural forces are at the very root of the modern "Mail Order Bride" movement.

You are a Prince!

You might not be aware of it yet but you are a prince in shining armour.

The way that you act towards women may not seem like anything great to you.

But to a women who is accustomed to men who either treat her as a servant or sex object it certainly is.

As a Western male we take for granted the fact that we should take our wife out on dates. Buy her flowers, treat her nicely and hold her hand.

But this is not the norm in many countries.

The sad fact is that in many parts of the world the grinding reality of many men's economic life mean that these small gestures are beyond them.

If you are bald or fat or on the wrong side of 50, if you are a bit socially awkward and don't drive a brand new Lexus, don't sweat it.

When you combine a dissatisfying work life with cultural attitudes towards woman that aren't exactly enlightened then you create an environment that is not conducive to romance.

The traditional view of women in many countries is not much better than glorified housekeeper. And among young men the situation is sometimes even worse. These men have no interest in getting married and are only interested in sex.

With all these factors at play it is not surprising that many foreign women are looking for a western male to treat them nicely and to be a supportive husband.

The kind of life that you can offer in the West is like a fairy tale to many of these women.

I currently live in The Philippines. The women here are friendlier than anywhere in the world. And I hear the same story over and over again.

The girl had a Filipino boyfriend who got them pregnant then took off - leaving them with a baby, or 2 or 3 to take care of all on their own. This is no easy chore in the West, but in the Philippines, which has no social services or child support it is a monumental task.

Neither does Russia, Ukraine, or most of the countries in Latin America. If a woman gets pregnant by a guy who is a jerk and does not want to help raise the child she is just out of luck.

Slavic Women Dating Overseas

The women across Eastern Europe are drive towards dating overseas by slightly different reasons. First, there is alcoholism. Booze is a bane to women in Russia, Ukraine, Moldova, and Belarus.

Russian governments from the age of Peter the Great to Vladimir Putin have tried to contain the tradition of heavy drinking without much luck. Finally, in the last five or six years, with the help of unrelenting anti-drinking public service campaigns, Russian men began to drink less.

Then the pandemic hit and drinking started rising across Russia again!

Alcoholism is a major problem in Eastern Europe to Southeast Asia, and Latin America, and it is not a shock that these are regions where the most women sign up with mail order bride agencies. Because if you are drinking a liter of vodka a day, like many Ukrainian men do, you are not going to be a great mate. Unfortunately, many times spouse abuse goes hand in hand with these men's drinking habits. Here is a quote from an American law review article:

"There is an old, Russian saying ‘chicken is not a bird; woman is not a human being'; this is the type of culturally ingrained sexism that Russian women deal with on a daily basis."

The Mail Order Bride Phenomena

How many sexy Eastern European woman going to want to put up with that? These are women who watch Surivivor, and see every romantic comedy Hollywood puts out.

Also, they now about the avowedly feminist tradition of the old Soviet Union where women were snipers, fighter pilots, and cosmonauts. Their grandmothers were respected and they want to be respected as human beings too.

But they get almost no protection under the law. In Russia domestic violence does not exist in any meaningful sense after the passage of a 2017 law that decriminalized all but the most serious physical attacks. In Ukraine the situation is similar and it is not hard to imagine why women would want to move away from such a country.

Am I saying that all Pilipino men are Philanderers, that Chinese men never change their underwear, and all Russian men are drunks?

No, of course not.

There are many great guys in other countries, but culturally the West has a leg up when it comes to how we treat our women.

And these foreign girls know that!

Simple Economics

Many of the countries that these women come from just don't afford them the same opportunities that they will have for themselves (and their children) if they marry a man from New South Wales or New York.

In highly developed countries these ladies can potentially get an education and pursue their interests, and for most of them their daily lives are simply going to improve.

The living conditions in parts of the world such as Latin America, Eastern Europe, and South East Asia are far from what many would consider the "American Dream".

Economically, these women have a reason to want to date and potentially marry a man from a country that's highly-developed and that can offer them things that people in the West often take for granted! like reliable electricity and indoor plumbing.

For many of these women, meeting a man online through an international dating agency is the only way to realize the life they deserve. Does that mean these women are gold-diggers or lazy? Far from it. In fact, many foreign women are more motivated, more intelligent, and more driven than women you might date locally.

More Women than Men

Studies indicate that countries such as Russia actually have more women than men, which is another motivating factor for a lot of these women.

Instead of fighting over the men that are "left over" they choose to look abroad for a man that they can build a relationship with on their own terms.

When they enter the online, international dating arena, they have a much larger pool of potential partners to get to know than if they were just focusing on men in their own country.

A Broader View of What Makes a Man "A Good Catch"

In the Western world attraction is assessed on such a narrow set of criteria - it's like high school. All the girls are programmed to want the same 5 guys - and if you aren't one of them then you are shit out of luck.

In other parts of the world this is not the case - women look at alot more than your looks or what kind of car you drive when they are deciding if you are potential mating material.

So, if you are bald or fat or on the wrong side of 50, if you are a bit socially awkward and don't drive a brand new Lexus, don't sweat it.

There is some girl out there in a far off land and to her you are the guy she has been waiting for!

You just need to get out there and find her.

Even in the most advanced Western countries where women's rights are enshrined in law, tradition, and culture powerful men still abuse their position. So, it is understandable how these movements have taken hold.